thought provoking!

OK, so I've just found out that I can blog off my BlackBerry! :D happy days lool! So I'm on the bus on the way to get my hair done!! Kmt my hair looks a mess, so you know I'm on a d.l until after the hairdressers!! Lmaoooo!

I'm in a much better mood than I was in last night!!

Don't you just love catching people slippingggggggg!!! That's all I'm going to say........ LMAOOOO!!

Got the weekend off training :D bo! So you know I'm happy, going out tonight for my cousin Andrea's birthday aww she's 21!!

Some boys on the bus are giving me the upmost joke!! "BLOOD!.... From when you link a gyal on a Sunday AT your yard and your fams in your whipped!!!" ....I would write the rest but my fingers are hurting lool basically the boys like I'm not whipped two twos his phone rings... Pure joke, whole bus in tears....including me lmaoooo!! Pure jokes!

Can't wait to see my nan and grandad in abit and my munchkin Phoebe!!

Hmm nothing really to say, so see you later.
Peace out; my lovies!!
Xo

Pesimistic; xo

So; went out. Wish i never, load of baloney... didn't go town we just went to one drink up/house party in my area. Ended up seeing everyone i've been trying to avoid!!! Due to my foul mood, i drank, yes i know, slap me now. Pissed off isn't the word!! Feel like i've got nobody to talk to so my blog it is....... I can't even infact no, i don't want to explain what happend!! Because, it's not me. I just couldn't take anymore and she severly violated not just me but also my family, but that is still no excuse for my actions :(

Words have cut me deep, gone from the highest high to the lowest low..... cold hearted. Walls have gone from 6ft 7 to 15ft 10. I refuse to cry, yet, tears are streaming down my face. When will all this end?? I still believe that you'll see sense.......eventually...sometime soon....hopefully. Why am i so dependant on your hand?! I'm alot stronger than this, i know i am, so why am i been so bloody tutus?!?!

Shittest month ever!!!; Hopefully November will be better.

Honestly; I truely believe that everyone will hurt me, no matter who you are, or what you say to me, that's just the way i am. I don't trust ANYONE with anything!!
But, then at the same time it feels like im never going to change, but i can't choose to walk away but sometimes you just have to let it go, leave all my fears to burn down, push them all away so i can move on, get closer to my dream, I need to just close my eyes and see what i believe, i'm happy aslong as we're apart then im moving on to my dreams......

Turkish Delight; Hard Exterior, Soft Interior

Blughhh; i've had enough of this now. Im going to stop before it ends up been some dumb blog kmt well its dumb already but oh well.

Night; My Lovlies xo

Reflection....V.I.T.T.D (Very.Important.Thing.To.Do) xo

So; i'm sitting here, dressed, hair done waiting for my cousins to hurry up and drive down from Manchester.......longggggggg!!! So thought i'd write my blog now :) plus im not very happy so you know, blog it is.

Basically; in my previous blogs i told you about my ex, well, just had a very deep phonecall off him and now im feeling colder than ever. He really knows how to 'murk' off my happiness and good mood. I'd be lieing if i said i didn't miss him.... i don't miss him, i miss the memories, i miss the good times, the love, the laughter, i never felt so happy but i refuse to step back. They say actions speak louder than words.....his actions were the complete opposite to what he was saying. So; im so mad with myself, why do i let him get to me?!

"Isn't it ironic all you wanna do is smoke chronic, you forgot when you were down who was around, Waiting for love to walk through the door, I wish I didn't miss you anymore, Memories don't live like people do, I'm sick for ever believing you, Wish you'd bring back the man I knew Was good to me, oh Lord, Everytime you say you're coming, Boy, you disappoint me, look How well you forgot when you were down, I was around" Angie Stone - Wish I Didn't Miss You

I've Realised Who Matters, Who Means The Most, Who Never Did, And Who Won't Anymore. If You Didn't Last In My Past, Then I Don't Need You In My Future....

Changing the subject; It's amazing how the actions of ones friends can change your whole opinion on a person!! Or even what somebody says to you about someone.... I've thought about everything and they're actually really right. Things have got to change, this is what happens when i start to open up..... back to the 100% coldness..... D.T.A .... sometimes i wish i had a willy instead of a fanny... things would be so much easier and different.... :D i know quite alot of girls would loveeeeeeeeee to swap lmaooo!!! i know i would!! I've done some dickhead things in my life, that i will forever regreat, been impulsive is not a good thing. I would say im a typical gemini but then to someone who doesn't believe in starsigns it means nothing to them, so i'm just me.... I don't really let people in but thats for me to sort out. I don;t think im ready for a relationship again yet as i've got to learn to love myself again before someone can love me...FACT! When i say 'love myself' i don't mean in a egotistical way, i mean simply be happy in your own body and all that stuff. Im learning though. Can't wait for this year to be over, 2010 fresh start, 2009 has been full of mistakes,heartbreak,loss and hurt....

You can't trust anybody except yourself, people will do anything to get futher in life in this generation, even if it means stabbing someone in the back no matter how close to you they are. Where are the loyalists?! ..... right now, i'm alone and i think it's the best thing ever.....who can hurt me then?!.... nobody!!.... today made me realise how i seriously dropped my guard and let that person in, but it's all just part of their game plan really isn't it!! Blughhh; foul mood, not even feeling to go out anymore!! The gangs downstairs, pure laughter, drink flowing..... oh well, off i go, don't ask me where we're going because i don't have the foggiest, paint this smile on, don't let anybody see the pain i feel. oh and i'm still not drinking tonight aswell :D I really don't want to go out. All i want to do is grab some dvds, bottle of wine, and my bed, that's all i need :) Nothing and Nobody Else, D.T.A - Lynch Hung :) Ok i plan to be back by 5am, i'll do a blog when i get in and let you all know what i chose....

Peace Out; My Lovlies xo
R.I.P Sam; I Miss You Much, LOVE YOU! :( --->> TRUE BEST FRIEND!! ALWAYS MISSED AND ALWAYS REMEMBERED!!! xo

Awakwardness xo

Morning; :) lol!
Got a massive headache due to been thrown in at training today, KMT! Nahh it was fun though, loadsss of sparring today, but only because i was like two hours late ahahaha! oopssss!!........ 8-) but i did go out last night .. 8-) nah no excuses i was late due to straight idleness!! 5am wake up call everyday this week i think i can be let off for one morning!! :D shame my coach never saw it that way...... haha! so i got bullied but i got another bruise......kmt on my bum!! LMAOO! But, im at 'work' now, had enough of working here, i need a proper job, working for your parents does not suffice as a 'real' job!! i want to earn my own money and actually feel like im doing something kmt, nobody understands when i say this, they're like 'but u work for your daddddd, whats bad about that?!' Im independant, i want my own job thats goign to produce my own money thats going to get me my own car!! I hate the thought of 'sapping' off my pops hence why i want to do everything myself :D plus i find jewellery boring, so i end up with this face all day ----->> :( because i don't want to be here lool!

Anyways, I was going to blog last night but when i logged on to write my blog i had a really bad case of writers block. I literally couldn't think of anything to blog at all! So i thought rather than write an uneccasary load of baloney blog, i'll do it in the morning. To be honest, it was probably due to me feeling like an arse writing a blog infront of someone, ahaha because when i write a blog i have to listen to jill scott or angie stone and just yehhh ahaha so last night i couldn't write one. Last night was an alright night, went to nando's for Octavias 18th Birthday, you know i had half a chicken and chips with sweetcorn :D of course it was HOT, no medium round here!! Was bloody lovely!! :) We were going to go out after, well they went out after but i wasn't feeling it in the end, just went to see my friend and then went home. I felt really old last night, which is mad as i'm only a year older than Occy, so don't know why i felt old. It was good though, had fun, and i never drank :) this whole t-total until christmas day is really going good :) Anyways, they went out after, i hope they all had fun :)

So; I don't deal with indirects, so why does she keep playing the indirecting card?? I played her game and not only indirected her but sent for her :) LOOOOL!! The joys of facebook. She consistently indirects then goes running off to someone else. Everyones sussed out your game, you really need to grow up!!! If you have a problem with me tell me!!! Don't go bitching off, honesty is the best policy!! I no longer talk to you, i have cut all ties with you and your stupidness so why is my name STILL in your mouth?! We're adults now, we're not at school, act your age not your shoe size!! :) I HATE immature shinanigans, and i can't believe i've had to stoop to your level but to be honest with you hunni, your not worth my breath... so end of topic :)

ANYWAYS; Sorry i had to do that because i was fuming but im cool now! :)

So; I woke up to a text from my ex this morning, i love waking up to a text in the morning, so i woke up kinda excited, thinking it was from someone in particular ahaha so it was a let down when it was that prick chatting aload of bollocks..... an ex is an ex for a reason! I will NEVER step back, moving straight forward, but why does this boy, yes boy because he is not a man!! You would have thought that at the age of 24 he would be mature and just do what his doing..... Im amazed at how it's only now that im realising what his really like, what a waste of three years!! Have A Nice Life; And how do you block numbers from phoning you??!!

Anyways; Im off because this post is ending up been a rant lmaoo and the joke is i'm not even in a ranting mood lmaoo!!! Im actually really happy :)

Peace Out; My Lovies xo

Close Your Eyes And See What You Believe.... xo

At work, had another early morning training session. Wasn't as good as yesterday though but atleast i trained lol!! Suppost to be training again tonight but i don't feel to. It's my friend Octavia's birthday today so we're going nandos..... bring on the chicken!!! :D loool! Not going till later this evening though. Happy Birthday Occy!!! Finally 18 woooooo!!! Legal Raver now lool!

Didn't get to sleep till half past 3 this morning, i hate seeing someone close to me hurting, i really don't know what to do, as im not really sensitive to that area, i don't know what to say. Had alot of home truths thrown at me, but you take it on the chin, take note and stay humble. If you have the belief in yourself to stay strong then you will, if you truely believe in yourself. Mind over matter! People need to realise when they're onto a good thing, why would you waste so many years of love and affection, a family. i just can't get my head around it. An ex is an ex for a reason, never step back always carry forwards.

Life is a game that you have to play to the best of your ability, ride out the up's and down's and make the best out of everything you do, hard work is the key! Life will throw the deepest downs and the highest ups but it depends on your strength and self belief as to how you deal with them that will determine the outcome.

Food for thought; a friend on my facebook said; "RELATiONSHiPS: If you are in a relationship but have no commitment! It is with 100% certainty your partner would appreciate you ruining their day with the truth, than their future with your lies...Honesty is the greatest asset to a relationship"........... I don't even need to comment, it's self explainitory. Relationships can be messy but not if there's trust and honesty, obviously, trust has to be earned, you don't just trust anyone automatically, it's earned!

Right now; i'm so happy. & i can't tell you why because i don't know myself.... Im not questioning it!!

Heres a link for a really good song; Posivity :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jkRSMaCjCjw

Heres the Drake version - The originals better though :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjF9uSQjJhk

Oh Yeh;
Facebook ; Mo-Mo Lynch Hung
Myspace; http://www.myspace.com/mo-mo_brown
Twitter; NeekyBrown

As of 1st January, I will be back in the game :D so watch this space, just lining up the movements! Had enough of people asking me for ideas and help and then they'e moving forward with my idea and motive!!....... U NARHHHHH MEANNNN!!!!!

Peace Out; My Lovies xo

Confused?....Much!

Im driving myself mad, i keep over - thinking everything....don't ask me why because i honestly don't know! I'm being pesimistic because when you build things up and come to expect alot from something and it doesn't come through you feel crap. I don't want to feel crap.

Anyways, just had a very interesting phonecall that was kinda deep, it encouraged me to write a blog so thought i'd write a blog before i go to sleep, listening to Jill Scott 'A Long Walk' ...... really love this song! Perfect song to reflect on my day! Not really been a good day to be honest, family drama, all im going to say is KMT.. (kiss my teeth)! Lool! Felt like the whole worlds been against me today.... brave face brave face!! It's funny how people don't listen to what i tell them, then when it happens they come running back to me..... 'oh u was right'....... SIMPLESSSSSSS!!

Tomorrow is a new day, make it better than yesterday!; Tomorrow will be a good day; i will make sure!!!

Now listening to Joe 'If I Was Your Man'

Oh yeh; xbox gamertag - monmon187 - Add me :)

But yeh, just had a very intriging phonecall, Boys are so sneaky, but so are girls. Don't get me wrong i think that both sexes are just as bad as each other. But boys are more decieving, infact no, thats not a fair comment. Both sexes are decieving but boys are 'bait' compared to the females. A boy can tell you he loves you and be thinking of someone else but so can a girl. Basically, the point im trying to make is never completely believe anything anybody says to you, until you see action/proof of what they're saying. People use the word love too commonly in this day and age, it's like saying hello. Too many females and even males are falling for the whole 'love' game. Love is simply an infactuation of the mind. How can you tell a girl you love her and then still be seeing/linking other girls..... this i can't get my head around... why mess with sponge cake when you've got apple crumble and custard at home?! ... LOOL! Gosh; pure greedyness!!!

Just ate fish and chips and i feel sooooooooo bad, i feel like i should go downstairs and jump on the running machine level 10 minimum.... lool! but im too tired!!! Early morning workout again in the morning!! 6 STUPID AM!! So why am i not sleeping now?! For some odd reason, this is my creative time, this is when i feel most creative from 10pm onwards lmaoo mad i know!

New Topic in the morning... just need confirmation to confirm i can write about it first though.

Nite Anyways; My Lovies xo

Heartless Realisation xo

So; im feeling very invigorated this morning..... early morning workouts are really good!!! Even though it hurts for me to talk,type and walk lmaooo basically do anything. But, you know what they say... no pain no gain and im damn sure in some pain but its worth it!!! if u want to be the best you have to train with the best!

Learnt a new submission aswell, going to be practising that on my little brother!! :D loool!!

I'm amazed at how a simple workout can really make you feel so alive and happy! I had a bad week last week and i literally thought i wasn't going to get past the pain i felt. I really relied on this person, whenever i felt down or upset, they were always there for me, they were much more than a best friend they were like family, but i've been let down before, loadssss of times, so you would have thought that i would have been used to it but i never thought that it would happen with this person. I got hurt really bad, quite a while ago and refused to get hurt again, and now im kind of cold, but not completely, i could never be completely cold because i care too much. Deep down im really sensitive and im not afraid to admit it, but thats why i act the way i act. I'm selective now on who i open up to, its very rare that i open up.......yet im writing some dumb life story on my blog LMAOOOOOOO!!! oh the irony, but, i just want you to understand where i'm coming from, so that when i drop a blog thats kinda cold or straight to the point or negativity towards relationships/love you understand why. I built these four walls around me and there's five people that are inside the wall, everyone else is blocked out, anyways, the peson that hurt me last week was on of the five but obviously, they are no longer a part of my life, so now its four :D But yeh, i will and would bring these walls down but im just scared.... scared of geting hurt again!! I need the reassurance, love and comfort before anyfinnnnnnnn!! LMAOO!! oh my gosh, i've just made myself sound so pathetic on my own blog......OH WELL!!! ANYWAYSSSSS......... i feel really happy after my training session, and relly like creative and energetic ahhhhhhhhh happy happy happy!!! I love life, its so special.... never take it for granted because you never know when it'll get taken away from you!!

Peace Out; My Lovies xo

BOO!!!

Me Againnn!!! Just got back from some different EARLYYYYY training session!!! KMFT! Bloody aching i tell yaaaaaaaa!!! lmaoo dont watch the slang, im getting ready for work!...infact i gotta go. I do my blog this afternoon!!! Peace Out, My Loveys xo

Topic!! xo

Back From Training xo

Me Againnnn LOOL xo

First Ever Video Bloggggg xo

Birmingham..........

So;

This OFFICIALLY is my first blog!!!

A particular topic has been niggling me for a while.....
THE BIRMINGHAM MUSIC SCENE!!

I've heard so much talent but I'm Not seeing it!! Why is this?? I feel that Birmingham hasn't got the same outlets that London does, hence why we're seeing and hearing all these london artists moving and grooving. Personally, i feel that Birmingham has some SERIOUS contenders, not even contenders because i've heard people from Brum that are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYY better than some musicians from London who are overly documented. Notice how i said MUSICIANS and not EMCEES, thats because i feel that there's a major difference between an emcee and a musician!!!! a musician is versatile and can apply their talent to any genre of music, whereas, an emcee can simply do one thing...... its self explanitory really.

I Posted on my twitter page the other day.... 'Brum Is Lackin On That Front.......We Need Serious Entrepenurs Up Here!!! Too Much Talent; Not Enuff Outlets!!!' && nearly everyone agreed with me. So what's been done about it?!...... well, GrimeBlog has reformed and is seriously helping to make people aware of the serious unsigned undiscovered talent in Brum!! but the main focus is on grime, but im sure they will branch out and start to watch the other musical movements in brum aswell!!
It has showcased the talent of Romo,Bomma B, Pressure, Dapz, Tempa, Deadly and so on........ I would be here for awile if i was to name everyone lol. I have o big everyone up though, because they're working hard!!! Putting in the work ALWAYS pay off, example, Romo...... His worked so hard, his overly talented, and i know, believe, promise and trust that his going to make it!!! check him out on twitter..... http://twitter.com/Romoartist his e.p comes out realllllllll soon so watch this space!!! Also gotta big up Bomma & P.R.E, doing it realllllllll big!!! watch out for their e.p aswell!!! Got a sneak preview and i know for a FACTTTTTTT its going to go OFFFFFFFFF!!! BIRMINGHAM STAND UP!!! wooo im all excited!!! i love when people work hard and it pays off, gives me a nice warm feeling inside!!! :D

I feel that its about time that Birmingham began to be noticed as serious contenders, not just for music but also within other branches of the media/entertainment industry. Films such as, for example, '1Day', which i was lucky enough to be involved in, are a key example. The movie uses real people, not actors. It used well known musicians from the Birmingham area, and encouraged their creative side, with the likes of Lady Leshur, S -Squad, Justice, Fiasqo and INS, headling the bill not only as actors but what they do best.... All the music in the film is HOME-GROWN, written and produced by Birmingham musicians!!! A real buzz has been created around the film and its released nationwide in cinemas on the 6th November!!! Its Going to be realllll big so make sure you go and watch it!!

What do you think though?? that's what i want to know....... holla!!! :) xo

Hey Everyone;

Well this is my new blogspace thing. I've been wanting to do one for ages but felt abit of a tit with an online diary. LOL! But i thought uno what just do it we only live once. Im going to use this as a type of online journal/diary, its going to consist of basically anything and everything, whatever pops into my head, however i feel, and some inspirational notes, as i feel we can all learn from each other, and a little promotion. My friend gave me a good idea of doing video blogs aswell, so bare with me and i'll get some up :)

I haven't introduced myself, but hopefully majority of people looking and watching this will be my friends....i hope lmaoo!!! knowing my luck nobody will come on this!! LMAOOOO!! we'll see. Anyways, My name's Monique, Je m'apple Monique, urm was gunna try drop it in spanish aswell but i cnt remember any...shuks! lmaoo!! but yeh, urmm ima jus paste my bio off myspace because it took me forever to write it and its long regurgitating what i've already written.

Infact, I'll do another blog about me because otherwise this will be OVER long!!

Peace Out, My Loves xo